Down with the sickness

(Scene opens in the cramped confines of a half bath, vomit cleaning supplies in the corner)

Alpha: Mom….if I die…
Me: Alpha, you’re not going to die, even though you feel like it.
Alpha: (ignoring me) Mom…if I die….tell Beta I do actually love him. He’s not a total jerk.
Me: (recalculates sickness level, contemplates ER)