Summing up life with my children

Beta: (outraged) Mom! How come you put yogurt in Alpha’s lunch!?
Me: (fog of exhaustion) Uh…Alpha made his own lunch today.
Beta: How come he gets yogurt and I don’t?
Me: (failing Engrish) There’s yogurt in the ‘fridge, you can have one. Strawberry.
Beta: (sullen) I don’t want one, I want to know why you never put yogurt in my lunch but Alpha has one.
Me: (focus becomes deadly sharp) You don’t want yogurt. But you’re mad Alpha has yogurt. In a lunch he made himself.
Beta: (pause) Yeah.
me: (blacks out and goes on autopilot) Beta, go have breakfast.
Beta: (huffs and puffs and flounces off to mutter 20 minutes on the unfairness of it all that Alpha helped himself to something Beta doesn’t like)

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New World Pizza

Alpha: (whining) When can we turn on the tv!?!
Me: It’s pizza and movie night tonight. We can turn on the tv then.
Alpha: (hopeful) It’s pizza night? Can I have my usual?
Me: We’re getting a different type tonight. Lou Malnati’s
Beta: (checking freezer) This says…Gino’s? (somehow mis-pronouncing it three different times)
Me: Lou Malnati’s. (sing-song) It’s on the other side of the river.
Alpha: Illuminati pizza?
Me: Yes, Illuminati pizza. It’s the best kind of pizza.

Out of Control Thursday

Found myself re-enacting childhood scenarios of making the children quail in table-flipping house cleaning because the mess was a clear indication that we had fallen into barbarism and they were going to grow up living like hoarders thus I had failed them as a parent. All before school. Need to get my Early Childhood Programing in check before I set fire to the bedrooms. If exterior applications of order are meant to quell inner chaos, the problem is within. Coffee first. Then loud music. Then dish washing. The rest will follow.

Kids are like cats

Delta: (screams until picked up)
Me: (picks him up)
Delta: (flops and flails to be put down, tries to climb out of arms, claws to escape, repeatedly bashes forehead into tender parts of my face until he’s put down before he’s dropped in pain reflex)
Delta: (astonished, screams until picked up)
Me: (considers NyQuil, uncertain exactly for whom)

Going to the chapel

Gamma: I’m going to married you and daddy!
Me: You can’t marry me, I’m already married to daddy and you can’t marry your mommy.
Gamma: (outraged) You’re already married! I didn’t see it!
Me: We got married before you were born.
Gamma: Can you get married again? I want to see it!
Me: I’ll ask daddy. (thinks: I don’t know if I can still fit the dress)

Shameless promotions

I’m in New Zealand now and so I am likely raving about a product that many of my State Bound friends will never know the joy of.  Unless they travel.  Which I endorse.  Especially if they take me with them.

At any rate, I do adore a nice basket of fish and chips because who doesn’t?  Heretics, maybe.  However, I never understood the love of vinegar on said fish and chips.  I don’t understand vinaigrettes.  I don’t understand vinegar anything unless I’m using to it make pickles.  Then I understand the beauty of vinegar.  But for other food items?  There are so many other condiments to use that the unpleasant vinegar taste need not be involved.

Until my gracious hosts introduced me to Ma Prenzel’s.

garlic-vinegar

I’ve only enjoyed this particular vinegar sauce out of their assuredly equally amazing range of products.  I was delighted to find that it does not taste like vinegar at all!  It is garlic and salt and rich smoke and thick deliciousness on the tongue.  The flavor is full, not bitter or sharp.  I had it on a burger.  I had it on my fries.  I had it on everything they served me that night except for the chocolate.  But I bet it would have been good on even that, but it seemed like I should not insult my hosts by dipping fine chocolate into garlic vinegar sauce.  I’m imagining that it would pair perfectly with those big soft pretzels.

As of my hunt right now, they do not offer this fine product back home.  I have not yet checked to see if it is possible to ship overseas and not sell my children to make the cost.  Is it very probable that this particular culinary delight will remain a fond memory of an unforgettable trip that is not likely to be repeated.  If you are traveling in New Zealand, I highly recommend you sample and bring some home if possible.