Good advice

(scene opens in messy boys’ bedroom)
Me: Ohmigod guys, you’ve been up here 20 minutes, how long does it take to get dressed? (eyes Beta) Beta, those pants don’t fit.
Beta: (cue whining and opposition)
Me: Ohmigod. Beta. Take them off before I loose my shiznit.
Beta: (more whining, hands over pants)
Me: (fixes sizing tab inside) Put these back on. When your pockets gape and your belly hangs over the front, they are too small. Just because you can button your pants does not mean they fit.
Beta: (sullenly stands there in pants that fit, refusing to give the satisfaction of being right)
Me: Please. Guys. I’m 43 years old. Could you just once take on faith that I actually know what I’m talking about and not lying to you but trying to help you get through life without looking stupid?

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