Daily Wisdom

(scene opens on dreary wet walk to school)
Beta: Why are you walking us to school?
Me: Because Gamma’s teacher thinks she’s a savage for running around the playground without her jacket and I now have to be there in the morning to prevent it. This is called the ripple effect.
Alpha: I thought it was the Butterfly Effect.
Me: Similar (lengthy conversation ensues on the topic). And that’s why I get bent out of shape when you get in trouble at school. Because then I get trouble with school.
Gamma: School is boring.
Me: I know and I’m sorry. It’s boring and it’s awful, but I want you to learn things I can’t teach you, it’ll be more fun when you’re older and can learn about things you’re actually interested in, and for now you’re legally required to be in school.
Beta: We could homeschool.
Me: I haven’t been able to teach you to brush your teeth every morning, what makes you think I could teach you Algebra?
Beta: Point.

Dress for the job you want

(scene opens in moderately neat kitchen)
Gamma: (hands Delta a white unicorn beanie baby)
Delta: (hugs it)
Me: That was very nice of you Gamma.
Gamma: I thought he would like it, I can’t have unicorns.
Me: Why not?
Gamma: Because they’re white. I’m the Burning Reaper. Black and white are for different things.
Me: I see.

Getting my wish

(scene opens in dining room)
Beta: You know that show? That Alpha and I watch? That has those kids? Who are on a spaceship? And they…
Me: Oh my god, Beta! Statements, not questions. Talk in full sentences or don’t talk at all!
Beta: I guess I won’t talk. (goes to settee and starts to read)
Me: (has first quiet cup of coffee all day wondering if it was just that easy)