Erring on the side of reasonable

(scene opens in pediatric exam room)
Alpha: (bored and restless)
Doc: (enters cheerily) Hello! And why are we here today?
Alpha: (eyes mother filling out paperwork) I have a cyst on the back of my head.
Doc: (starts poking his head) What makes you think it’s a cyst?
Alpha: Mom told me.
Me: (looks up from paperwork) WebMD says it’s either cancer, lupus, meningitis, or a cyst. I was betting on a cyst.
Doc: (laughs) Good guess. No need to go overboard.

Excellent Customer Service

(scene opens in local CVS, oddly packed for the day and hour)

Guy at the Register: Next!
Me: (approaches counter, resigned)
Guy: Good evening! How are you tonight?
Me: (sighs, puts down a two-for-one brush combo and two boxes of de-louser)
Crowd: (backs up at least a step)
Guy: (starts sympathetic laughter) I’m so sorry. My daughter had lice once.
Me: Yeah, husband is already shaving heads and the washing machine is on hot.
Guy: Going to be a long night. Well, we have a well stocked liquor department.
Me: A little for me (mimes tipping back) and a little for me (mimes pouring it over the head). Alcohol kills bugs, right?
Guy: (more laughter) I’ll keep the beer cold for you.
Me: I’m within walking distance. I’ll probably be back.