(scene opens in kitchen, mother scooping ice cream)
Me: Thank you for bringing in Gamma’s bike, Beta.
Beta: (suspicious) What did she tell you.
Me: Thank you for bringing in Gamma’s bike.
Beta: What do you mean?
Me: (annoyed) I saw you put Gamma’s bike in the garage. Thank you.
Beta: Why are you thanking me?
Me: (throws spoon in the sink) Christ, Beta, you put Gamma’s bike away. Thank you for doing that. Is this where I compliment you for doing something nice without being asked and you use it as a moment to get someone in trouble?
Beta: (crossly) I didn’t do it to be nice, I took her bike away because she went to the park after you said she couldn’t.
Me: (puts ice cream away) You just can’t let an opportunity pass by, can you? You can’t just say “You’re welcome, Mom” when I tell you thank you for something. You just have to rat out the smallest infraction?
Me: You can get your own ice cream.