Poor Investments

(scene opens in cluttered dinning room)

Me: (picks up Warhammer book off the table) Where did this come from?
Husband: My brother accidentally ordered two and gave one to Alpha.
Me: Oh, okay then. (flips through book) Alpha was looking at it earlier and showed me some of the armies. He wants to start collecting figurines for painting.
Husband: (look and sound of distress)
Me: What?
Husband: He’ll never have money for rent.

Growing up the hard way

(scene opens in parlor sweatshop)

Gamma: Mommy! What cake are we having for dinner?
Me: (around a mouthful of pins) We don’t have any cake.
Gamma: (scandalized) No cake?!? But it’s your birthday! Why don’t you have any cake!?!
Me: (Pressing seams in a cloud of scalding steam) Because no one got me a cake.
Gamma: Don’t worry mommy. I have money. I’ll go buy you a cake.
Me: (stops to contemplate if there are any cake places in walking distance) No sweetie, save your money. Adults don’t always get cake on their birthdays.
Gamma: That’s sad.