(scene opens at mostly empty table)

Beta: (shoveling ice cream into his face)
Me: (disgusted look) Beta. Dignity. Refinement.
Beta: (straightens up) What does that mean?
Me: It means you eat like an adult that has learned manners, not like a pig. Eat every meal as if you were dining with the President.

(awkward pause, looks are exchanged)

Me: Okay, how about the Pope?