(scene opens at front door)

Elderly Couple: We’re taking a religious survey!
Me: (amused and soft hearted) Sure.
EC: (proceeds to grill on personal religious practices)
Me: (laying down a heavy layer of Catholicism)
EC: If you were to die right now, would you go to heaven?
Me: Of course.
EC: (skeptical look) What do you base that on?
Me: (brilliant smile) Clean living.
EC: (skeptical look intensifies) Here’s a brochure to our church. Hope to see you there.
Me: Thank you so very much. Have a good weekend.

(cut scene to kitchen)

Husband: (in pajamas) I missed my opportunity, didn’t I?
Me: You always do. (hands over Baptist Church recruitment pamphlets)
Husband: Clean living? Really? (tears them up)
Me: Couldn’t quite bring myself to say “Not being a judgmental prick” to someone’s grandparents. I’m nice like that.