Two Jokes In One

(scene opens coming out of the pediatrician’s office)

Beta: (wailing) I can’t believe you let them do that!
Me: (unmoved) You know nurses do that on purpose, right? The more a male patient whines about shots, the girlier the band-aid?
Beta: (yanks up sleeve to display his horror) My Pretty Pony! You let them give me a My Pretty Pony band-aid! She said it’d be cool!
Me: For one, some people think that’s cool. For two, next time don’t whine so much. For three, look – squirrel.

(both stop to consider squirrel a foot away, at the base of a tree)

Beta: He doesn’t seem scared of us.
Me: I think he is, but he’s not moving a whole lot. His eyes are drooping.
Beta: Maybe he’s going to sleep?
Me: Not in broad daylight at the bottom of a tree. He’s probably sick. C’mon – let’s go and leave him be.

(both move off to parked cars)

Beta: (hopeful) There’s a doctor’s office right there?
Me: A pediatrician takes kids, not squirrels. (pause) Even though they’re both wild animals.
Beta: (flatly) Really. You went there.
Me: (laughs maniacally) I did.

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