(scene opens in cluttered parlor)

Gamma: (shrieking) MOM! BETA IS CALLING ME A LOSER.

Me: (resignedly enters the room, sees Beta with thumb on either side of his head, single finger raised like horns) Beta?

Beta: (waggles hands) I’m not calling her a loser, I’m pretending to be a moose.

Gamma: (moar shrieking) THOSE ARE ‘L’s! ‘L’s MEAN LOSER!

Me: (inhales deeply, stares in Ron Swanson) That’s not a moose. You need all your fingers for moose horns.

Beta: (processes, opens both hands) I’m a moose!

Gamma: (quick reversal) YOU’RE A MOOSE! MOOSE! MOOSE! MOOSE!

Me: (contemplates the absurdity of her existence, exits stage left)