(scene opens in apocalypse parlor)

Husband: (enters from the kitchen) I have a video conference call. Do I look okay?

Me: (looks up from lap top) Well, I love that color shirt on you, the tie is fabulous and the hat really brings it together)

(boys collectively turn to see Husband wearing a black octopus hat)

Beta: Now you need to wear the Plague Doctor mask.

Me: No, he needs to ration them out.

Alpha: Next time you can wear the Moose Hat.

Husband: Wore that last time.

Beta: You can borrow our Rainbow Poop Hat.

Husband: No.

Beta: Why not?

Me: Too unprofessional.

Husband: (turns, nods, tossing a tentacle over his shoulder, exits stage left)