(scene opens in homeschool parlor)

Me: (gingerly steps into room, clad in bathrobe)

Delta: Mommy! (runs over, slam hugs)

Gamma: Mom! (runs over, bear hugs)

Me: (wanly) I love you too. (pats children) Don’t hug me so hard, my stomach hurts.

Delta: (lets go) Are you better?

Me: Mostly. I need to get something to eat. I’ve not eaten in five days. (moves gingerly to kitchen)

Beta: (looks up from table) How are you alive if you haven’t eaten in five days?

Me: Gatorade. Spite. Mostly spite.

Beta: Your hatred for all humanity?

Me: Something like that.