(scene opens up in dim kitchen, soggy Boy Scouts dragging in)
Husband: (sitting on stool, prying off boots) Beta? Did you take the tent to the garage?
Beta: (tiredly) Yeah.
Me: (studies offspring) Beta, I have to get you a new uniform shirt, you’re about to pop buttons off of that, give it to me.
Beta: No mom. It’s fine. (unbuttons uniform anyway, hands it over)
Husband: Take the patches off and burn it. I doubt he’s washed it recently.
Me: I can wash it. (yells out) Gamma! Slither hither!
(Gamma comes tearing in, Carrot hands over the scout shirt)
Gamma: (puts it on, only slightly oversized, starts flail-dancing)
Husband: Wow. That almost fits.
Gamma: (singing) We’re all growing up and I don’t like it. (runs from the room)
Husband: What the…
Me: That’s been my weekend. I’ll wash the shirt.