Though she be but little…

(scene opens in post holiday dining room)

(Husband and Carrot existing)

Gamma: (hotly) You know what mom? I want cranberry sauce. And I want it now!

Me: (sigh) Sure. Go ahead. Why are you so angry?

Gamma: (savagely) Because I like it!

Husband: (faint laughter) God help her first boyfriend.

Me: (resigned) It’ll probably be for the best.

I feel seen

(scene opens in early morning kitchen)

Me: (muttering to self, running around first floor) Keys. Keys. Where are my keys? Wallet?

Husband: (from kitchen) THE BEST OF US!

Me: (finds keys, enters kitchen) What?

Husband: (sitting on stool, zipping up Delta’s jacket) Tell mom what you just said, Delta.

Delta: (bundled up, ready for school) You do the most work in the house.

Me: (surprised, serious) Yes. Thank you for noticing. Let’s get in the car.

Husband: Have a good day at school, Delta!

There Will Be a Test

(scene opens in dim kitchen)

Me: Beta, surprise quiz. If someone told you they supported White Supremacy then said “lol, just kidding”. Are they White Power or not?

Beta: They’re White Power.

Me: Why?

Beta: Because anyone who said that is just trying to cover it up. If they weren’t White Supremacists they wouldn’t joke about being one.

Me: Excellent critical thinking skills there. This goes back to the Two Rogers Rule….

Beta: (interrupts) I don’t know that one.

Me: If Mister Rogers and Steve Rogers wouldn’t do it, neither should you.

Beta: So I should jump out of an airplane without a parachute?

Me: Well, Mister Rogers never jumped out of a plane without a parachute, so I’m thinking you shouldn’t either.

Beta: Fair