(scene opens in mini-van)
Beta: I think Dad jokes aren’t funny. I bet mom jokes are funny. Mom, tell us a joke.
Me: (wearily) I’m well rested.
Husband: (uproariously laughter behind the wheel)
Me: (takes cue) My children are well behaved.
Husband: (increased laughing) Oh my god! That’s hilarious! I’m laughing so hard I’m crying!
Me: I never have to yell at them to do homework.
Husband: (booming fake stage laughter) It’s too much! Stop! I’m going to have to pull over if you keep going!
Me: My house is clean.
Husband: (pulls over to side of the road, puts head down on steering wheel, hysterical fake laughter)
(cut scene to four kids and a dog staring flatly at the front seat)
Beta: I’m sorry I said anything.
Husband: (to Carrot) Dear, that was wonderful. You should do stand-up.