(scene opens in almost clean kitchen)
Gama: (grandly) I am the new queen of the house!
Me: (thinks about it) Who was the old queen?
Gamma: You.
Me: (decides coffee is more important than civil war) Why was I deposed?
Gamma: You’re always busy and always have work to do and you never have time to play. I am always ready to play and can do all the fun things.
Me: You are not wrong. Hail Gamma, first of her name.
(scene opens in cluttered dinning room)
Beta: Mom, I’m a failure.
Me: (caught typing, pauses) What?
Beta: I’m a failure. Remember the whole step-joke?
Me: Yeah?
Beta: I just figured out why it’s called a step-ladder. It’s a ladder. With steps.
Me: (covers face with hands) Oh god. Oh god, you’re kidding me.
Beta: Yeah. Sorry. Are you disappointed in me?
Me: (laughs in unbelievable are you serious) Maybe a little.
(scene opens in mini van)
Me: (takes off mask) So, tell me all about your first lesson.
Gamma: (deer in headlights, holds up drum sticks) It was fun?
Me: Tell me something you learned.
Gamma: (taps dashboard with sticks) Uh…eighth notes?
Me: Eighth notes? (brings up hands to clap) One-and-two-and-three-and-four-and?
Gamma: (gasps) How did you know that?!
Me: (deep mental sigh) Gamma, what instrument did I use to play?
Gamma: Guitar?
Me: No! Baritone! Like Beta!
Gamma: Baritones have eighth notes too?!
Me: (deeper mental sigh) Honey, music is music. They all have eighth notes.
(scene opens in mini van, a rare silence)
Gamma: (staring out the window) Mom, what was that building?
Me: (mental sigh) A strip club. Its a place where men pay money to watch women take off their clothes and drink alcohol.
Gamma: (shocked) Why are there places like that?
Me: Because men will pay money to watch women take off their clothes and drink alcohol.
Gamma: (moar shocked) Why do women work there?
Me: Uh… because money. Its the only job they can get for whatever reason.
Carrot’s Inner Voice: Don’t kink shame, Carrot!
Me: (out loud) And I suppose it’s possible that some enjoy it.
Gamma: (weary) I’m sorry I asked.
(awkward silence, fade to black)
