(scene opens in bright sunny kitchen)

Me: (standing wearily before kitchen, coffee re-heating)

Delta: (strides in from outside, flips open hatch on oversized squirt gun) Mom? Can I put some ice in this bad boy?

Me: (starts to laugh, goes to icemaker, fills cupped hands with a pile of ice, pours it into open squirt gun)

Delta: (with confidence) Thanks mom! I’m gonna win this war. (locks, loads, leaves)

(off screen Gamma shrieks loud and often)

Me: (puts on headphones, turns up volume, goes back to laptop slurping hot coffee)