Month: October 2022

Acceptable Limits

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in mini van)

Me: (buckling seatbelt) Okay. I am totally willing to support you in your dream dress vision. I want you to understand that there are a couple of times I will be enacting the Parental Veto.

Gamma: Why?

Me: If it’s too expensive, I don’t care how perfect it is, we just can’t. Or if it’s too risqué.

Gamma: What does ‘risqué’ mean?

Me: It’s the sexy level. And you’re only almost twelve…

Gamma: My sexy level should be zero.

Me: (approvingly) Exactly.

Gamma: (fist bumps Carrot) Then let’s do this!

Takes No Prisoners

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in long open cabin room, tween pre-bed chaos in full swing)

Me: (paces to center of the room, orates loudly) Okay campers! I did not get any sleep last night and I am highly resentful of that fact! Tonight, at lights out, we will not have yelling! We will not have running around and shaking the entire cabin! There will be no crying, no fighting, and there will be quiet! Am I understood?

Tween Greek Chorus: (muttered sporadic responses)

Me: I can’t hear you! Am I understood?

Tween Greek Chorus: (different muttered sporadic responses)

Me: The only acceptable answer is “Sir! Yes sir!”! Am I understood?

Tween Greek Chorus: (loudly) SIR! YES SIR!

Me: (satisfied) That’s what I like to hear.

Acceptable Paygrade

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in driveway)

Delta: (climbing into minivan) Mom! Why is it so cold out?

Me: Winter is coming.

Delta: What comes after winter?

(everyone buckled in, van pulls out and begins to drive)

Me: Spring. That’s when your birthday is, you’re my little Lord of Spring.

Delta: I don’t want to be Lord of Spring!

Me: You don’t? But it sounds so grand. Alpha is the Knight of Winter and Beta is the Knight of Summer.

Delta: And Gamma is Queen of….

Me: Fall. Or Autumn. Queen of Autumn is fancier.

Delta: I like Queen of Fall.

Me: You could be King of Spring if you want.

Delta: (thinks is over) Maybe emperor…? No, I can be the God of Spring. Don’t you think that’s a much more appropriate job title for me?

Me: (grinning stupidly) Yes. I think that’s perfect.