(scene opens in cluttered dinning room, Carrot finishing up a zoom call)

Me: (removes headphones) So. Beta. Talking to your welding teacher. Seems like you’re falling behind for not turning in assignments. Assignments that I remember being on your ass about weeks ago.

Beta: (sags, sighs, begins to obviously suffer) Yeah, I know…

Me: And he tells me that he and another teacher tease you about your girlfriend.

Beta: (snaps upright) They…! What….? How dare they! They told you that?!

Me: Yup. I told them that you and Alpha have this thing where I don’t know about the girlfriend until after you’ve broken up. But to keep making fun of you, as it right and proper.

Beta: (vibrates with indignation) You told him that? You actually told him to keep harassing me? (explosive and dramatic sigh) The see me walking to class with Gi— because she wants to take welding next year and haven’t let up on me since!

Me: (slightly disappointed) Oh, it’s Gi—? Doesn’t she have a crush on Ge—?

Beta: Yeah, but it doesn’t stop them from teasing me. I cannot believe you told my teachers it was okay to pick on me about my non-existent girlfriend!

Me: (carelessly) Well, start turning your homework in on time and I’ll tell them to stop.