Made me think of you.

(scene opens in parlor, Carrot opening her suitcase)

Alpha: Glad you’re back home, mom. Did you get my Mother’s Day card.

Me: I did, sweetie, that was very nice.

Beta: Did you bring us anything?

Me: I did!

(pulls bag out of suitcase and hands it over)

(long silence)

Alpha: Are you serious?

Beta: What fresh hell?

Gamma: Mom? I don’t think that’s appropriate.

Delta: I want some!

Me: That’s my boy.

Husband: What are you, twelve?

Me: It made me laugh.

Worth it.

(scene opens in mini van)

Me: Everyone get your belts on. OH! That reminds me, I found a new playlist for the car.

(picks up phone, begins to fiddle)

Beta: (skeptically) Is it kid friendly?

Me: (smug) Yep.

Beta: A kid friendly list that you like? This can’t be good.

(Carrot begins to drive and a cover of Danzig’s “Mother” begins to play)

Beta: (stunned) What the hell is this? Alpha? Are you seeing this? It’s a playlist in Klingon. We’re listening to Klingon pop music!

Alpha: (unconcerned) You think this is the weirdest thing she’s ever done?

Me: (giggling madly)

Beta: (appalled) You know, just because it’s in Klingon doesn’t mean that it’s kid appropriate.

Me: They’re covers of 80s music. Its unlikely there’s any swears in there.

Beta: Klingons don’t swear?

Me: Oh, I’m sure they do. But I don’t know if there’s a Klingon version of “F you, you F’ing F”. I think they’d just insult your honor or say something like “Your starship is a garbage scow.”

Delta: (righteously) That is very rude.

Me: Yes, that is very rude.

(music cues up cover of “We’re Not Going to Take it“)

Beta: (wearily) Turn this off please.

(Carrot laughs maniacally, fade to black, cut to car commercial)