(scene opens in parlor, Carrot opening her suitcase)

Alpha: Glad you’re back home, mom. Did you get my Mother’s Day card.

Me: I did, sweetie, that was very nice.

Beta: Did you bring us anything?

Me: I did!

(pulls bag out of suitcase and hands it over)

(long silence)

Alpha: Are you serious?

Beta: What fresh hell?

Gamma: Mom? I don’t think that’s appropriate.

Delta: I want some!

Me: That’s my boy.

Husband: What are you, twelve?

Me: It made me laugh.