(scene opens in early morning tent, three scout leaders contemplating life)

Me: (scratches stomach. Stops. Swears) Goddamnit. Where’s the first aid kit?

Leader 1: In my pack. Why?

Me: Tick.

Leader 1: Already? We’ve not even been here a whole day.

Me: (sighs) Yeah.

(flailing around tent, first aid kid found, tick removed)

Me: Goddamnit.

Leader 2: Now what?

Me: Lone Star Tick.

Leader 1: So?

Me: That’s the one that makes you allergic to red meat. Because F Texas in particular.

Leader 1: What?!

Leader 2: Man, Carrot. Having a rough week there. First rabies shots, then Shingles, and now maybe becoming allergic to red meat.

Me: (resignedly) If I get out of here never able to eat another steak, I might have to quit Girl Scouts. Just saying.