(scene opens in rarely clean kitchen)

Me: (sipping coffee) I’ve noticed you’ve been eating in the cafeteria more.
Beta: (proudly) Yes. You’ve been wanting me to try new things. Aren’t you happy?
Me: (pointedly sipping again) I’ve noticed that your willingness to try new foods coincides neatly with you being responsible for making your own lunches.
Beta: (defensively) I’m trying new foods!
Me: I’m happy you’re trying new foods. I’m a little put out this adventure is rooted entirely in laziness.


She gets it

(Scene opens with boys watching disabled child carried onto Great America ride)
Alpha: That’s so sad, he can’t walk or even move his head.
Me: Yes, but look, his big brother is holding him up so he can have fun too. It’s why I’m so lucky that you guys can walk and talk. And mostly well behaved.
Alpha: (mean mug)
Other Mom In Line (starts laughing) Sometimes you can’t have too many expectations.
Me: (nods sagely) Sometimes you have to set that bar on “average”.
(collective children mean mug)