Giving gifts

(scene opens in cluttered dining room, doorbell rings)
Husband: (brings in Amazon box)
Beta: (glad for a distraction from practicing baritone) What is it!?
Husband: (opens box) New pads for fighting.
Gamma: Why do you need new pads for fighting?
Husband: (shows Gamma a big bruise) Daddy needs new pads to keep from getting hurt while fighting.
Gamma: Why don’t you just dodge?
Husband: (looks at wife behind laptop) Please don’t.
Me: Oh yes.



I talk about it all the time

(scene opens at last night’s Fight Club)
Me: (clanks around in random armor bits)
Alpha: Wow! Mom! You look totally boss! Like the Dragonborn! Except no ebony sword, hand of flame, or Lydia.
Gamma: (wearing my gauntlets, holding sword) Mom! I want to be a knight! (swing enthusiastically at the pell)
Husband: (shouts a thu’um at me)
Me: Yeah, love you too. (proceeds to accept level one beating)