Royal Matters

(scene opens in towel strewn bathroom)

Me: (stripping down toddler) Okay, first we’re going to go potty, then brush our teeth, and then bed time!
Delta: Four story! (holds up three fingers)
Me: One story. Now, get up there and go potty.
Delta: (runs to potty, looks in) Someone did’t flush! (points, outraged)
Me: Its okay, get up there and we’ll flush after. (gets up off the floor)
Delta: No! I flush! (flushes the toilet, stands arms folded to watch)
Me: (sigh) Okay. We’ll wait. (mutters under breath) Princess.
Delta: Not a princess! I an king!
Me: My apologizes, your majesty. Can we go potty now?
Delta: (climbs onto the toilet, doing victory head bob) I an king! I an king! I want four story because I an king! (holds up three fingers)
Me: (starts prepping the toothbrush)

Taking direction

(scene opens in messy kitchen, body language suggesting recent maternal altercation and cooling down)

Boys: (slink in stage left)
Me: (deep breath) Thank you for getting your pjs on. Now we’re going to try this again. Beta? Go get your pjs on, please.
Beta: (trying not to smile through a pout steps around corner)
Alpha: Walk walk, stairs stairs stairs, change change, stairs stairs stairs, walk, walk.
Beta: (comes out from around the corner)
Me: (realizes what just happened) That was very well done. (gets back into scene) Thank you, Beta. Now, did you want seconds on the pork chop or dessert?
Beta: Seconds, then desert.
Me: Head to the table.
Beta: (leaves)
Me: Stage directions? Really?
Alpha: (proud) I thought it would be funny.

Temperature controls

(scene opens on dark second floor landing)
Me: (hears voices in the attic, calls up) Boys, past bedtime.
Alpha: Sorry mom.
Beta: There was a noise from Gamma’s room that kept us up.
Me: I took care of it. (hears something) Do you guys have the air conditioning on up there?!?
Alpha: We’re hot.
Me: (climbs curving staircase, stops near the top) See this? This is called a window. It opens. It lets the 30 degree air into a stuffy attic and cools it down.
Alpha: (on edge) But isn’t that where all the ladybugs are coming in?!
Me: 30 degrees out. The ladybugs are hibernating. The air conditioning doesn’t go on until it hits 80 degrees out. Understand?
Beta: Yes, mom.
Me: Besides, they’re coming in through the window over by your beds. Goodnight!