(scene opens in messy kitchen, body language suggesting recent maternal altercation and cooling down)
Boys: (slink in stage left)
Me: (deep breath) Thank you for getting your pjs on. Now we’re going to try this again. Beta? Go get your pjs on, please.
Beta: (trying not to smile through a pout steps around corner)
Alpha: Walk walk, stairs stairs stairs, change change, stairs stairs stairs, walk, walk.
Beta: (comes out from around the corner)
Me: (realizes what just happened) That was very well done. (gets back into scene) Thank you, Beta. Now, did you want seconds on the pork chop or dessert?
Beta: Seconds, then desert.
Me: Head to the table.
Me: Stage directions? Really?
Alpha: (proud) I thought it would be funny.
(scene opens on dark second floor landing)
Me: (hears voices in the attic, calls up) Boys, past bedtime.
Alpha: Sorry mom.
Beta: There was a noise from Gamma’s room that kept us up.
Me: I took care of it. (hears something) Do you guys have the air conditioning on up there?!?
Alpha: We’re hot.
Me: (climbs curving staircase, stops near the top) See this? This is called a window. It opens. It lets the 30 degree air into a stuffy attic and cools it down.
Alpha: (on edge) But isn’t that where all the ladybugs are coming in?!
Me: 30 degrees out. The ladybugs are hibernating. The air conditioning doesn’t go on until it hits 80 degrees out. Understand?
Beta: Yes, mom.
Me: Besides, they’re coming in through the window over by your beds. Goodnight!