Generosity on the side

(scene opens in messy kitchen)
Beta: Hey! What happened to all the cookies!?
Me: You mean the birthday cookies you made for me yesterday?
Beta: Yeah! There are only three left!
Me: You mean there are only three of MY birthday cookies?
Beta: (failing to pick up on warning tone of voice) You weren’t supposed to eat them all, you were supposed to share and give us more than one of them!
Me: (simmering) Go do your homework.


Aging well

Alpha: Mom, how old were you when the Great Chicago Fire happened?
Me: (blink) Uh….that happened long before I was born. I was born in 1972, look in your book and see what date it happened.
Alpha: (fips through book) Oh, so it happened the year before you were born. 1871.
Me: (sigh)….Alpha. That’s 101 years.
Alpha: Oh. Right.