(Scene opens in Christmas parlor, tree being set up)
Me: (bringing in boxes) Okay kids, none of you remember a tree with ornaments on them because when the boys were babies, we had a little tree and everything was in storage. When we moved out of the city, the first big tree we had, Alpha broke a bunch of my ornaments. I decided that we wouldn’t have any ornaments until you guys could handle Christmas responsibly. So this year (Carrot pulls out a German blown glass ornament) I’ve decided we’re going to try these.
Beta: Oh, those are pretty. When did we get those.
Me: I’ve been buying one for each of you since you were born. They’ve been boxed for the last nineteen years.
Delta: Which one are mine?! (begins to hop up and down)
Me: You don’t have very many, you’re only eight. And this one, (Carrot pulls out crowned peacock with long feathered tail) is the very first ornament I bought for Alpha’s first Christmas. It’s got a clip on it, so you can clip it right to the branch.
(Alpha takes it gingerly)
Me: Okay, we need to put hooks on the rest of them because they’ve never been hung up –
Alpha: Oh shit.
(room freezes, turns to look at Alpha with the clip in pieces in his hands)
Me: Are you $#%*@$ kidding me.
Alpha: (hands it back to Carrot) I’m going to play video games. (exit stage left)
(room awkwardly stares at a despondent Carrot)
Beta: (helpfully) How about we concentrate on the ones that need hooks?
(Rest of scene has Beta and Delta hanging ornaments and candy canes)