Not Helping

(scene opens in cluttered kitchen)

Alpha: (preparing to wash dishes, soap and sponge at the ready)
Me: (enters, notices mug in Alpha’s hands) What are you doing?
Alpha: Getting ready to wash dishes. Its my chore for the day.
Me: Did you just dump out that coffee mug?
Alpha: Yes.
Me: Was it hot?
Alpha: Yes.
Me: (gestures to a counter full of glassware) Every glass we own is dirty and you start with the coffee mug I just put down while in the bathroom?
Alpha: (defensively) It was dirty!
Me: It was seasoned! You never wash a coffee addict’s coffee mug! They might still be drinking it!

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Kids. Cats. Same diff.

(scene opens in cluttered kitchen)
Me: (puts away groceries)
Delta: (dumps out Legos)
Me: (puts aways clean dishes)
Delta: (puts Legos back in bin)
Me: (makes coffee)
Delta: (dumps out Legos)
Me: (washes stovetop)
Delta: (puts Legos back in bin)
Me: (goes to bathroom)
Delta: (dumps out Legos)
Me: (brings up clean laundry)
Delta (puts Legos back in bin)
Me: (grabs lukewarm coffee, sits down for a sip and rest)
Delta: (gets up, races over on fat toddler legs, screams to be put in lap, pounds on laptop keys and everything else in reach)
Me: You are making a very strong case for a standing desk.

Lesson learned

(scene opens in same kitchen, different mess)
Me: (pours coffee)
Delta: (points to mug) *shrill bird cry*
Me: We’ve been through this already. No.
Delta: *shrill intensifies*
Me: Awesome, you’re already a fiend. (holds down mug)
Delta: (takes one looks inside and walks away)
Me: Learning curve achieved.