Tag: color

Positive Masculinity

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in cluttered basement, conversation in progress)

Me: (handing Alpha a towel) Here, use this to clean up that spill.

Husband: (around corner) I see that you’ve fully embraced the RBG Controller lifestyle.

Me: What?

(Husband points to top of cabinet, switch controller charge station holding controllers with morphing rainbow lights along the side)

Alpha: Yeah, my ’tism is in full swing.

Me: You don’t have the ‘Tism, knock it off. But I love those! (said gleefully) Those are pretty!

Husband: (kisses Carrot’s forehead) Of course you do.

Alpha: I mean, sometimes when you’re obliterating heretic scum in the name of the Emperor, you want to feel like a pretty pretty princess.

Me: Right? Totes agree.

Alpha: (deep gravely voice) Brother….. (deep indrawn breath) ….where’s my tiara?

Husband: (sighing) I’m going back to work.

Got me there.

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in cluttered dining room)

Delta: And my friend at school dyed her hair today!

Me: (mildly) Oh yeah? What color.

Delta: Purple! She looks like a brand new human!

Me: Did you want to color your hair again during Spring Break?

Delta: (delightedly) Yes! I want to dye it black!

Me: (makes a face) Black isn’t fancy. If you’re doing to dye your hair, you should do it a fancy color.

Delta: (determinedly) Black is fancy! Black is the color of suits and suits are fancy so black is a fancy color.

Me: (moderately impressed) Well then. I guess we’re going to dye your hair black

Delta: (gleeful once again) You lied!

Me: No, I didn’t lie. You just changed my thinking.

She’s got the look

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(rapid fire montage of Gamma coming down stairs in ratty and/or dirty pants)

Me: Go upstairs and put on some nicer pants.

Gamma: (dramatically) These are the nicest ones I have!

(repeat for at least fifteen different scenes, various times of day and seasons)

(scene opens in sawdusty garage, half painted bench resting on paper)

Me: (in clothes obviously meant for sloppy work, touching up hard to reach spots)

Gamma: (just off screen) Oops. I got paint on my pants.

(Carrot looks over, camera turns)

Gamma: (standing in pristine white shirt, brand new unblemished jeans now bearing a dark maroon lean spot on the thigh)

Me: (irrationally calm) Gamma? I’ve never seen those pants before. Are they new?

Gamma: (brightly) Amazing what you can find in the bottom of a very deep and dark drawer.

(Carrot begins to tremble, screen fades to black)

Life is a dark room

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in apocalypse homeschool)

Me: (at kid table with Chromebook) Okay, this assignment is “Draw a picture about what you liked about the story and record talking about it.” Like the last four hundred videos we watched.

Delta: I don’t like anything.

Me: I know. But you have to stop submitting blank pages, the teacher doesn’t like it. Could you pretend? For mommy?

Delta: (fills in the page with a single color) It’s all black. I like black. (hits submit button)

Me: (sighs) That’s fine. Let me get some more coffee before the teacher emails me again.

Frickin’ Fabulous

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in Tricoci University, students working on clients and mannequins)

Me: (Flounces to counter, resplendent in galaxy colored hair, followed by compliments and murmurs of approval from students and instructors)
Old Lady: (turns to look who’s behind her at the counter)
Me: (smiles brilliantly)

(scene repeats several times, Old Lady looking back then away, trying to hide a smile, finishes up making her appointment)

Old Lady: (finally) I just wanted to tell you, you look like a unicorn.
Me: (delightedly sharing Old Lady’s glee) I know! It was the effect I was going for!
Old Lady: (surprised, recoils) Really!? (shakes her head in disapproval and totters off)
Me: (WTF look)
Fabulous Host: (muttering to himself) Like that would have happened on accident.
Me: Right? By the way, love the nails.
FH: Thanks! (waggles inch long glitter acrylics honed to a deadly point)

All the colors

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in gloomy tossed dinning room)

Delta: Batman, mommy! Batman!
Me: What? (sees Delta with hair clip and pink baby blanket) Oh! Okay!
Gamma: (from under the table) What does he want?
Me: (putting blanket around Delta’s shoulders) He wants to be Batman, so I’m putting a cape on him.
Gamma: Batman doesn’t wear pink.
Me: It’s Pride. He’s Pride Batman. Pride Batman can wear pink.
Gamma: That’s not a thing.
Me: You wanna bet?

(scene ends with Delta zooming around the room in naught but diaper and pink cape)

Camouflage

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens at the park)

Me: (sitting on bench, running fingers through Gammas’s two-toned hair) The blue is starting to fade. I like the slate blue of it, it looks like stone. Maybe you’re an Earth Witch.
Gamma: (resigned patience) My hair isn’t stone, mommy.
Me: If we do the color again, what color do you want to do? Pink? Red? Green?
Gamma: Black.
Me: (oddly disappointed) Black? Why would you want black?
Gamma: Because I walk through shadow.
Me: Oh. I guess that’s okay then.