Tag: destiny

A very special Christmas

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in quiet Christmas dinning room, Carrot at table, opening some forgotten mail)

Me: (opens letter, reads frowns)

(Beta enters from kitchen)

Me: Beta? Are you familiar with the concept of the ‘Parent’s Curse’?

Beta: Is that where they swear at you really loud?

Me: No. Its when a kid’s parent looks at them dead in the eye and says “I hope you have one just like you.” so the kid will one day experience the hell you’re putting them through.

Beta: And?

(Carrot passes letter over)

Beta: (reads aloud) Based on test scores, we recommend you take the following classes next year…. (looks up) AP English Literature?

Me: AP. Advanced placement. Based on your scores, you apparently rate for college classes.

Beta: But isn’t English the class I’m getting a D in?

Me: (throws up hands) AND THE CURSE HAS BEEN FULFILLED!

Beta: You got Ds in English?

Me: Math. I did pretty good in English, but was never invited to the AP club. My grades and scores were so mismatched that I was accused of cheating on my SATs. I’m a designated “Does Not Live up to Potential”.

Beta: Merry Christmas, mom.

Me: Merry Christmas, sweetie.

Acceptable Paygrade

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in driveway)

Delta: (climbing into minivan) Mom! Why is it so cold out?

Me: Winter is coming.

Delta: What comes after winter?

(everyone buckled in, van pulls out and begins to drive)

Me: Spring. That’s when your birthday is, you’re my little Lord of Spring.

Delta: I don’t want to be Lord of Spring!

Me: You don’t? But it sounds so grand. Alpha is the Knight of Winter and Beta is the Knight of Summer.

Delta: And Gamma is Queen of….

Me: Fall. Or Autumn. Queen of Autumn is fancier.

Delta: I like Queen of Fall.

Me: You could be King of Spring if you want.

Delta: (thinks is over) Maybe emperor…? No, I can be the God of Spring. Don’t you think that’s a much more appropriate job title for me?

Me: (grinning stupidly) Yes. I think that’s perfect.

Behind the 8 Ball

On By carrotkhan2 Comments

(scene opens at New Year’s table, Dominion being set up amid the snacks)

Me: Alpha, where are you?
Alpha: (offscreen, sullen) Here.
Beta: C’mon dude, we’re going to play a card game!
Alpha: (deeper sullen) No.
Me: (frustrated) Alpha, would you please come to the table? It’s New Year’s Eve and we’re doing new family traditions. Could we play some games, please?
Alpha: (storms into the room) No! I don’t want to do nerd things! I don’t want to be a nerd!
Me: (dies a little, mists up) Oh honey, you have no idea how badly you’ve already lost that fight.