Arcane Rune Lore x5

(scene opens with enraged mother auditing a backpack, in tears there will be no school photos for Alpha this year)
Me: (starts to throw away a scrap of paper with drawings on it)
Alpha: No! I haven’t translated it yet!
Me: (closer look, Norse runes) It doesn’t say anything. English translation, anyway. Maybe something Norse, but I don’t speak Norse.
Alpha: How do you know!?
Me: (grabs paper, pen, writes in Norse runes) *because I know a lot of things you will never understand* (throws down pen) Now go brush your teeth.

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Upstaging: Maternal Level

(scene opens with Beta bursting in the front door)
Me: Beta, how was first day of Sign Language Club?
Beta: Great! I learned how to say my name!
Me: Oh yeah?
Beta: (signs slowly, a few false starts) *Hi, my name is Beta*
Me: (signs, significantly smoother and well practiced) *Hi Beta, my name is Carrot*
Beta: (huffs, leaves room with nose in the air)

Mindblown

Beta was arguing with me that the Tibetan script on the book he’s reading wasn’t really a language because the word/letters weren’t matching up numerically to the English words above it. Just blew his mind writing words in Hindi to show him how languages don’t match. I’m gonna hazard a guess he’s reassessing my person by the way he’s staring at me across the table and the words I just wrote. Yes, children, I was a fully formed interesting person before I became your professional sandwich maker and chauffeur.