Tag: problem solving

Buried Treasure

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in surprisingly clean parlor)

Me: (looks up from typing) Gamma, what are you doing?

Gamma: (fiddling at the charging station in the corner) Putting on Delta’s fitbit.

Me: You can’t wear his Fitbit. Where’s yours?

Gamma: I don’t know.

Me: Go check under your bed.

Gamma: It’s not there. I cleaned my whole room. It’s missing.

Me: Uh-huh.

Gamma: It is! I looked everywhere! Can I have the tablet so I can talk to my friends now?

Me: (rises with resignation) Lets check the state of your room first.

(scene changes to mostly clean kid’s room)

Me: Where’d everything go?

Gamma: (kicks drawer under the bed) In here. That’s what it’s for, right?

Me: Uh, no. (tests drawer, stuck finally gets it open, over filled with kid stuff and trash) We’re going to have to go through that. (peeks under bed) Gamma? Look under the bed?

Gamma: (crouches down and looks under bed) Oh. My fitbit.

Me: (with deep Maternal I Told You So) Huh. Imagine that. Who could have known. Oh and look, there are the library books you couldn’t find.

Gamma: (sheepish) I’ll get the broom. Then I can have the tablet?

Me: Yes. Hand me the Fitbit, I’ll go charge it.

Same Time Same Channel

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in early morning bedroom)

Me: (instantly awake, eyes fly open)

(seconds pass, Carrot nudges Husband repeatedly)

Husband: (sleepy) Huh?

Me: (carefully) I need you to reach up and turn on the light.

(Husband flails looking for the sconce above Carrot’s head)

Me: No! The one above you!

Husband: Oh. Right.

(light floods room, brown bat circling the ceiling, Husband and Carrot contemplate it)

Husband: We’re going to have to get our windows checked. Our bedroom door was closed.

Me: I can’t figure out how they know they can slither through a gap in a closed window but can’t figure out how to fly out an open one.

She’s got the look

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(rapid fire montage of Gamma coming down stairs in ratty and/or dirty pants)

Me: Go upstairs and put on some nicer pants.

Gamma: (dramatically) These are the nicest ones I have!

(repeat for at least fifteen different scenes, various times of day and seasons)

(scene opens in sawdusty garage, half painted bench resting on paper)

Me: (in clothes obviously meant for sloppy work, touching up hard to reach spots)

Gamma: (just off screen) Oops. I got paint on my pants.

(Carrot looks over, camera turns)

Gamma: (standing in pristine white shirt, brand new unblemished jeans now bearing a dark maroon lean spot on the thigh)

Me: (irrationally calm) Gamma? I’ve never seen those pants before. Are they new?

Gamma: (brightly) Amazing what you can find in the bottom of a very deep and dark drawer.

(Carrot begins to tremble, screen fades to black)

The mighty hunter returns.

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in bright summer parlor, Jethro Tull loud on the speakers)

Me: (at embroidery frame singing heartily) Ring out those solstice bells! Ring out….

Alpha: (off screen and with terror) MOM!

(Carrot leaps up and heads to basement, cut scene to top of the stairs)

(Alpha looks up helplessly, Epsilon noses something suspicious on the floor, manages a doggy smug)

Me: (exasperated) Alpha, its just poop. If you guys walked him more this wouldn’t…

Alpha: (tremulously) Mom. It’s not poop.

(Carrot descends stairs for better look)

Carrot’s Inner Voice: Please, oh god, don’t be a rat.

Carrot: Looks a little big to be a mouse, and there’s no tail. (gets closer, sighs gently) Oh honey, its a baby rabbit. A very baby rabbit.

Epsilon: (wags tail and pants smugly)

Alpha: (tearfully) Is it dead?

(Carrot picks up small animal, wet and slick and black. It kicks slightly)

Alpha: (jumps) It’s not dead!

Carrot: Well, this makes things a little more complicated.

Editor’s Note: Said baby appears to have been claimed. Given the cruelty of Mother Nature, we are continuing to believe that said baby was claimed by the mama.

Confidence

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens with Carrot sitting on the edge of the bed with laptop, Husband enters to talk to her, Gamma close on heels)

Husband: (turns) I told you, go get dressed.

Gamma: (flounces out)

Husband: (to Carrot) So, I thought that –

(noise off screen, the sound of falling and crashing of metal bits)

Gamma: (calls offscreen) It’s okay! Nothing’s wrong! Everything’s fine!

Me: (heroically suppresses laughter) Are you sure?

Gamma: No reason to get involved!

(Husband and Carrot, strain to keep from laughing, fade to black)

No Hope for Our Future

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in moderately clean kitchen)

Me: (enters, sees two boys wrestling at the counter) What are you doing?

(they part to reveal a Chef Boyardee can, mangled by can opener)

Me: (stares at them, stares at can)
Them: (stare back)
Me: (cautiously approaches the can, lays a finger on the pull tab) Do you not know what this is?
Beta: No.
Me: (stares out the window, deep breath, pops tab, pulls back lid)
Them: (stare)
Me: (infinite gentleness) Alpha, did you not open yours this way?
Alpha: …No. (leaves room)
Beta: I apologize for my being an imbecile.
Me: (sadly) I love you.