Tag: religion

Tactical Advantage

On By carrotkhan1 Comment

(scene opens up in cluttered dinning room)

Me: (head phones, trying to write)

Gamma: (head phones, preparing for online virtual classroom meeting)

Delta: (comes into kitchen from outside, runs through crying)

Beta: (Follows in, comes to parlor) Good job, Alpha. That was all your fault.

Alpha: (playing Destiny 2) Wut?

Me: (removes headphones, gets up, finds Delta hiding behind door crying) What’s going on?

Beta: We were playing bridge battle. He touches the grass and says, “This is water and I’m Jesus” and runs across it. Alpha taught him that. I told him I wasn’t playing with cheaters any more.

Alpha: (guilty smile)

Me: (laughs, picks up Delta and hugs him) Good job.

No One Should Live Like This

On By carrotkhan1 Comment

(scene opens in cluttered dinning room)

Me: (to Husband walking in) Your mother called, she’s canceling Easter.

Husband: Oh my god! Do you mean he’s still dead?!

Me: (stares, laughs, fumbles for comeback) Okay, I got nothing. Can we start that scene over again?

(Husband exits to kitchen, comes back)

Me: Your mother called, we’re not having party on Easter.

Husband: Oh my god! Were they not able to roll the rock back?

Me: No!

(Husband exits to kitchen, comes back)

Me: (sigh) Your mother called. We’re not getting everyone together on Easter for the family gathering.

Husband: What am I going to do with all these extra nails?

Me: (gives up) That’s it. I’m blogging that and you can’t stop me.

Path of Righteousness

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens at front door)

Elderly Couple: We’re taking a religious survey!
Me: (amused and soft hearted) Sure.
EC: (proceeds to grill on personal religious practices)
Me: (laying down a heavy layer of Catholicism)
EC: If you were to die right now, would you go to heaven?
Me: Of course.
EC: (skeptical look) What do you base that on?
Me: (brilliant smile) Clean living.
EC: (skeptical look intensifies) Here’s a brochure to our church. Hope to see you there.
Me: Thank you so very much. Have a good weekend.

(cut scene to kitchen)

Husband: (in pajamas) I missed my opportunity, didn’t I?
Me: You always do. (hands over Baptist Church recruitment pamphlets)
Husband: Clean living? Really? (tears them up)
Me: Couldn’t quite bring myself to say “Not being a judgmental prick” to someone’s grandparents. I’m nice like that.