(scene opens in tossed dining room)
Me: Okay, Alpha! Ready to go get your driver’s license?
Alpha: (glumly) No.
Me: Excellent. (checks webpage) Says we need to bring one piece of documentation from sections A, B, C, and D. Got your birth certificate and social security card?
Alpha: (holds them up) Check.
Me: Proof of address?
Alpha: (holds up college letter, state ID, and driver’s permit) Check.
Me: Proof of Insurance?
Alpha: (holds up insurance paper) Check.
Me: We ride!
(cut scene to parking lot of sad struggling strip mall)
Door Guard: Does he have all his paperwork? Are you 18?
Alpha: (hands over folder) Yes.
Door Guard: (rifles paperwork) You have to stay out here, mom. Appointments only and he’s adult.
Me: Cool. (sides on a concrete riser)
(time passes, Alpha returns)
Alpha: They say I need a high school transcript to prove I took Driver’s Ed. I’m not in the system.
Me: (dumbfounded) Not in the system? (goes to Door Guard) He needs a high school transcript?
Door Guard: Yeah, bring a high school transcript and they send it to Springfield and once he’s in the system he can take the driver’s test.
Me: (hotly) That wasn’t on the list of required documentation.
Door Guard: (shrugs) It’s a state law.
Me: (with poison) And where does it say that on the web site for required documentation?
Door Guard: (shrugs again) You can come back later today.
Me: (calling up the fire within) Then what was the point of making an appointment?
(Door Guard shrugs a third time, doesn’t answer, turns away. Carrot pulls out her phone and begins frantically researching and typing while Alpha hovers nervously by)
Me: Oh! They can email me a transcript! Maybe the day is saved. (types some more and pauses)
Me: They can email me a transcript. For three dollars and it’ll arrive in five business days.
(Carrot closes eyes and breaths deeply)
Alpha: (nervously) I’m really sorry mom.
Me: (kindly) It’s not your fault, Alpha. We followed all the instructions given to us. They just didn’t give us all the instructions.
Carrot’s Inner Voice: