Tag: surprise

Same Time Same Channel

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in early morning bedroom)

Me: (instantly awake, eyes fly open)

(seconds pass, Carrot nudges Husband repeatedly)

Husband: (sleepy) Huh?

Me: (carefully) I need you to reach up and turn on the light.

(Husband flails looking for the sconce above Carrot’s head)

Me: No! The one above you!

Husband: Oh. Right.

(light floods room, brown bat circling the ceiling, Husband and Carrot contemplate it)

Husband: We’re going to have to get our windows checked. Our bedroom door was closed.

Me: I can’t figure out how they know they can slither through a gap in a closed window but can’t figure out how to fly out an open one.

Wild Frontier

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in dinning room, half recovered from Thanksgiving, Carrot at table still in bathrobe)

Gamma: Can I have bread?

Delta: Can I have cookies?

Beta: I’m just going to have another one of these sugared cranberries. Is that okay?

Alpha: Why is Gamma having bread? Did you say that was okay?

Me: (suffering, trying to write, hands over headphones that are clearly not loud enough) Oh. My. God. Please. Go. Eat. There is food everywhere. None of you are young enough that I have to be involved in the feeding of you. Scavenge. Forage. Whatever. I don’t care. There are no rules any more. It is a lawless time –

Alpha: (alarmed) No! Please! There have to be rules! Please make some rules!

Me: (stares, starts to laugh)

Alpha: (defensively) If you don’t make rules there will be chaos.

Carrot’s Inner Voice: I’m sorry, do I know you?

Me: (moar laughter, some tears)

There Will Be a Test

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in dim kitchen)

Me: Beta, surprise quiz. If someone told you they supported White Supremacy then said “lol, just kidding”. Are they White Power or not?

Beta: They’re White Power.

Me: Why?

Beta: Because anyone who said that is just trying to cover it up. If they weren’t White Supremacists they wouldn’t joke about being one.

Me: Excellent critical thinking skills there. This goes back to the Two Rogers Rule….

Beta: (interrupts) I don’t know that one.

Me: If Mister Rogers and Steve Rogers wouldn’t do it, neither should you.

Beta: So I should jump out of an airplane without a parachute?

Me: Well, Mister Rogers never jumped out of a plane without a parachute, so I’m thinking you shouldn’t either.

Beta: Fair

Surprise!

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in dentist waiting room)

Dental Assistant: (leading out grumpy Beta) He did great. Had no idea what he was here for.

Beta: You lied to me.

DA: (joins in laughter)

Me: (evil laugh) I did!

Me: Show me the tooth.

(close up on baby tooth with roots still present)

DA: Yeah, that wasn’t going to be coming out on its own any time soon. Now there’s room for the adult tooth to come in.

Me: Excellent. Thank you so much.

Beta: You lied to me. I thought I was getting a cleaning.

Me: You did. We cleaned out an old tooth you didn’t need any more. Don’t you feel cleaner?