Tag: winter

The Darkest Timeline

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in sun bright dinning room)

Me: (sees Bigs stumbling into the kitchen) Morning guys. I got a phone call last night that today is supposed to be a snow day.

Beta: (opens fridge, pauses) Supposed to be?

Me: (typing) If you were actually at school, it would be a snow day. But, since half the student body is on camera, everyone is on camera today.

Beta: (overcome with sadness, door drifts shut) So. There’s no more snow days?

Me: (eyes on laptop, typing) Apparently not. Get some breakfast and log in.

Beta: This is the worst.

Me: (pauses) Yeah. I’m sorry.

(cue sad dramatic music, fade to black)

Survival Skills

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

(scene opens in cluttered kitchen, close up on thermometer reads -30 outside, 50 inside)

Me: (in multiple laters, stocking cap, fingerless gloves, pouring coffee into thermal travel mug)
Gamma: Mom, can I have my water bottle?
Me: (concentrating on the hot) Sure, go ahead and get it.
Gamma: (puts it under dripping-to-prevent-freezing faucet)
Me: Here, let me help. (fills it)
Gamma: Not too much!
Me: (hands it back) Why not? Wait, what are you doing?
Gamma: (takes to ice maker, stuffs full of ice) I’m a master of surviving and preventing heat stroke. (said proudly)
Me: (sighs and nods approvingly) Good job.

Parenting Safety Paradox

On By carrotkhanLeave a comment

I can’t drop the 5 yr old off at the door to preschool, she might get kidnapped before she gets to classroom. I can’t leave the 7 month old in the car, he might get carjacked in the ten minutes it takes to escort the 5 yr old to her classroom. I can, however, take both children across an icy treacherous windswept parking lot in sub-zero temperatures risking frostbite, cracked skulls, and getting run over. People have no reasonable levels of threat assessment.